violate-this-noble-war: Billie Dean told me that I'm going to meet a girl called Violet Harmon in the future.
well, hello stragner
18th February 2012
Feeling Good
the biggest problem of all
you know how riding real fast in a car or a spectacular takeoff in a jet gives you an awesome adrenaline?
you know how spotting an eagle cruising low over the treetops or watching a baby finally master the try-try-again of walking makes you glow all over?
you know how singing a beautiful song with dead-on pitch or getting every test answer right, including the extra credit brainteaser, makes you feel like you could take over the world?
you know how waking up to perfect skies, enough sunshine to warm you, not enough to bake you or watching a silent fall of quarter-sized snowflakes gives you delicious shivers of pleasure?
somewhere on my stroll with the monster,
i’d lost these things
17th February 2012
“dear diary”- that’s what i’m supposed to write at the beginning, right? so,
dear diary, i’m sad.
15th February 2012
i haven’t seen Jeremy in so long, i think he left, his parents probably figured out about the fact that the house is haunted. too bad, i was started feeling less lonely.
7th February 2012
my grandmother found out about everything, she visited us yesterday. she went to town few hours ago, she promised she’ll bring me few new books and cd’s, haha i wonder if she’s gonna know where to look for Portishead’s CD. i feel so much better. when my granny hugged me, that was one of the best feelings in the world. she was to warm, i felt so safe in her arms, i felt like i was home again.
1st February 2012
wrote a poem, an epic tinged with dark humour, decided to give it to my dad, because this was all his fault. somehow.
i have’t seen jeremy in a week,
31st January 2012
the monster loves to talk
he jumps into your head and opens your mouth making it spout your deepest, darkest deceptions. making you say all the things you’d rather not say.
it’s getting darker in this house. it has so many secrets and such a powerful, gloomy ambience. i shouldn’t feel lonely, not really. this house is very crowded, but… he is missing.
i, locked in a cage of dreamless sleep, a place where only the monster can drop you so hard,
i heard the cry
of a fallen broken bird.
26th January 2012
-past-
lost in the center of my bed. naked, in that cool tangle of cotton sheets, i felt myslef slip far, far away, deep beneath an indigo ocean. down, down, into a silent, lightless land, and there, in the darkness i found my Tate, my good Tate
funny thing, your brain, how it always functions on one level or another. how, even stuck in some sort of subconscious limbo, it works your lungs, your muscle twitches, your heart; in fact, in sypmhony with your heart, allowing it to feel love. pain. guilt. jealousy. i wonder if it’s the same for people, lost in comas. is there really such a thing
as brain death?
21 January 2012
we’ve all got broken strings, but we try our best not to think about those kinds of things. i find myself thinking about how dark and swampy your eyes get in november and june. i find myslef thinking about how the hottest stars are always white and blue. i wonder about love sometimes and the bodies i’ve seen it come in. how when we hit the light we never stay for long. maybe our bodies weren’t built for this. sometimes when i listen carefully i think i hear you singing. maybe it’s just the sound of the wind hitting our broken strings. but this world is a very lonely place is you never learn how to love broken things
16th January 2012
before i go to bed, i want you by my side. only you, no one else. everyday for as long we’re stuck here, as long our love lasts. when i shut my eyes and fall into a deep slumber, i want to be able to sleep, dream and wake up realizing that the boy of my dreams is the one lying next to me every morning. i want to be next to you, because then i’ll know that i won’t always have to be asleep for us to be together
